Toxicity in Gender (Pt 1)

We have a lot of conversations about masculinity in the black community. What we don’t talk about as often is femininity. In this episode, we discuss both with emphasis on “toxicity” in gender as well as providing some examples, experiences, and more. We’ve of course invited some male perspective with this one and re-invited DJ from the “Black & Dadding” episode.

NOTE: Yes, some gender behavior is totally natural but not all of it. It is society that teaches us what “rules” we must follow because of our gender. Do you think men naturally suppress emotion? Do you think women naturally obsess over their appearance? That’s the product of being socialized to hold certain beliefs. Overtime we learn what we actions we must take to maintain a status that says we are “woman” or “man”. Seeking social validation isn’t just exhausting, it’s unhealthy. 

We each had our own “definition” of toxic femininity/masculinity. So, we’ll allow you to come up with one on your own as well. Everyone will have a different experience with what these things mean. In the actual episode, you’ll hear how we define these terms and from what sort of lens we’re speaking from

*We speak from our own personal experiences with our manhood/womanhood. Generalizations may lie ahead. Remember to listen with the intent to understand*

Here’s a just a hint of what we discussed:

Toxic Femininity

  • “Snow White” Women. You know, the helpless damsels.
  • “Pick Me’s” .
  • Sense of entitlement. “Chivalry should not be dead” according to our guest DJ. So, if a man wants to be a gentleman, that’s fine and very nice of him! But, as a woman, you should not feel appalled or become angry when you are not receiving above and beyond treatment just for having a vagina.
  • Subservient. Feeling the need to take on on “servant” like role in relationships.

Toxic Masculinity

  • Emphasizes no emotion. Displaying emotion is considered a feminine characteristic and therefore is a social taboo. “Boys don’t cry” ,right?
  • “Macho”. As DJ was saying, you don’t have to “lift cars” to be a man. Toxic masculinity searches for validity through proving one’s strength or toughens to the rest of society.

Remember, this is only part one!

Just listening to this goes to show that forcing yourself to live according to a rule book based on genitals you didn’t even choose can cause problems…. Both minor and major.

Would more men follow their dreams of being nurses or teachers if it wasn’t for silly societal expectations? Would more women become mechanics and engineers? Would men be more inclined to be mindful, study their emotions, and release them when need be for the sake of their mental-emotional well being? Would women be less afraid to stand up for themselves and be assertive?

Let us know if you want more gender based content!

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