Alright. Let’s talk about “Pick Me’s”. If you’re not sure what they are, a “Pick Me” is a woman that bends over backwards in excessive ways to impress men and get them to “pick” her , give her attention, validate her, etc all while shaming other women for not having interest in performing the same attention desperate acrobatics . They are the queens and enforcers of internalized sexism. In the black community, black women are pushed to adopt pick me behavior.
Okay, you already know that disclaimers are necessary with this kind of shit… Disclaimer: How you choose to conduct yourself in your relationship is your choice. This includes exhibiting “Pick Me” (PM) behavior. Doing nice things for your significant other is NOT PM behavior. Wanting to be attractive is not PM behavior. We trust that you know the difference between being desperate for a man’s approval/attention and being a woman who puts effort into herself and her relationship.
What is a pick me? Urban Dictionary says:
“A person who begs for the attention, acceptance and approval of a certain group in different things they say. In most cases, it’s to attain the attention, acceptance, and approval of the opposite sex.” In this episode, we are specifically highlighting pick me women. They will do damn near anything to gain or keep approval/validation from men. (Even men that aren’t theirs). Many pick me’s do not know they are suffering from the internalized sexism disease making matters even worse.
Key Points: What’s wrong with pick me’s?
- Pickmehood is heavily projected onto black women. Just because a damaged shitty man is a damaged shitty black man doesn’t mean our queens have to pick him up, raise him, and be tolerant of his BS at the expense of our own sanity and livelihood.
- Pick me’s do the most for the least. A pick me will do the most for a man that cheats on her, a manipulative man , and men that just “ain’t shit” (to say the least). However, since he’s a male, the pick me will crown him as her king and shame other women for not doing the same. They will go above and beyond for his happiness to receive nothing but that status of “taken” in return. They are content in being taken for granted.
- They won’t shut up about what they’re willing to do. They feel if they’re willing to suck dick from the back with a horse mask on then other women should as well. Yes, that was dramatic, but so are they. They can’t just do the excessive things they do, that’s too easy. They have to brag about it, make others feel lesser for not doing that they do, and get black men to co-sign.
- They are weaponized by black men. When a black man (not all) gets a pick me he adopts a woman being strong in her “pickmeism” as an expectation. Many black men believe the 1950s style of relationship where a woman takes “her place” in a man’s shadow. They feel this is the ONLY acceptable fashion in which black love should exist. They also feel black women should lower their standards. This foolishness only serves black men and gives them something with low self confidence to have sex with, cater to them, and raise them up. A woman he doesn’t have to put any effort into while still reaping the benefits of a long-term relationship is ideal.
- Pick me’s make being single an issue. Being single is an essential experience. Sometimes you have to be alone and do some soul searching, self healing, or detoxing from past hurt. Pick me’s see being single as shameful and if you are single, it means you’re doing something wrong. Being single is powerful. You learn how to navigate through life on your own without anybody to fall back on. This is an important skill because in life, there may not always be a man to swoop in a solve all your problems. Relationships should be a supplement to your life rather than a necessity for basic survival.
- They advocate for internalizing sexism. Stemming from the bullet above, even today in 2018 many women believe their value comes from being “chosen”, having a husband, children,etc.
- They support, enforce, and embrace unrealistic beauty standards. Yes, they love to advocate for maintaining a certain look for keeping and attracting a man. Nails, hair, body and all must be poppin’ 24/7. Natural black beauty is already degraded and devalued but pick me’s add an extra level to that. Your comfort is not important, and a man loving you for who you are is not important, fulfilling men’s unrealistic desires is what’s important. Now, we’re not saying let yourself go and not care, but nobody has time to look like a photo-shopped Instagram model so everyone will have to just accept reality and let women live life comfortably .
The Amara La Negra Post we mentioned:
According to the “Pick me” Bible
- Black women must endure subpar and toxic relationships.
- Black women must make getting “chosen” by a man a top priority. This includes developing a need to please men’s eyes and living your life in a way that black men approve of. These are often rooted in sexist ideals, are unrealistic, and disregard black women’s individual goals for their lives. Fear of being single is a must.
- For the sake of black men’s confidence, black women must lower their standards/ expectations.
- Black women must treat their men like royalty while accepting little to nothing and even mistreatment in return.
- Black women must diminish aspects of themselves to make black men feel confident. Examples, Having a smaller income than black men, being less educated, and not adulting on your own regardless of your capability or right to do so.
- Black women must allow or forgive infidelity regardless of the risk of STDs or the emotional impact.
- Black women must accept that their relationships are more important than themselves.
- Black women must allow black men to have their cake and eat it too. Then suck his dick.
- Black women must be grateful for any black man’s attention.
- Black women must be passive. Never to assert herself.
- Black women owe black men their time. Always.