Host Tiffy & special guest Letrice of Okai Fabrics, an afro-centric clothing line, discuss the journey of self confidence amongst black women. The purpose of this episode is to help you understand how gaining confidence as a black woman is a unique battle and how you can reach that goal of becoming a queen who truly LOVES and EMBRACES herself with no validation needed.
How is the journey unique for black women?
Letrice and I go more in dept in the episode. Subscribe & Listen for more!
Childhood is where it starts:
- Our girlhood is unique and internalized racism is a bitch… Our families are so effected by it they unintentionally project it onto their daughters and the cycle continues. It manifests itself in multiple different ways such as colorism and texturism .
Quick FYI :Colorism – When individuals of the same racial group discriminate based upon skin shade. Typically, lighter shades and more euro-centric features are considered to be desirable and beautiful while darker shades and afro-centric features are considered undesirable and ugly.
- We experience displays of internalized anti-blackness like excessively scrubbing your daughter’s skin, telling them not to play outside too long or “you’ll get darker”.
- Telling them they NEED a relaxer because their hair is “too rough”, “crunchy” , or “too much.”
Quick FYI : Texturism – The hierarchy within the natural hair community where looser curl textures and patters are desired over kinky or tighter curls. Typically, women and men with tighter coils use products like semi-relaxers and anti-shrinkage products to give their curls a looser appearance. Similar to colorism, it’s pushing towards a more euro-centric beauty ideal.
I had been trained to believe that beautiful hair has to be bone straight. So I was then relaxing my hair every two weeks… My hair went from down my back to up to my ears. It was terrible! It was dry, it was brittle, it was terrible…. Even though I knew my hair was terrible, I couldn’t let it go because to me straight hair at any length equaled beauty.
- The world around us tells us we are ugly regardless of our parents telling us we are beautiful…Then, they contradict those uplifting words with degrading actions.
- Unlike other demographics, black women are not now and never have been a part of the American beauty standard. Black = Ugly in this society. The darker you are, the uglier you are.
- As a child, you don’t know how to express these insecurities to your family or anybody that could help because you don’t even know what internalized racism is for yourself. You grow up just dealing with it.
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Sidenote : Things have gotten better!
Today’s mom’s are being patient with their daughters hair and embracing it, teaching her to love it, and they are gorgeous naturals themselves! We are setting up our daughters for success! Thank you moms and dads for teaching your baby girl self love and using yourself as an example she can look up to.
So…How can we become confident?
I had to empower myself to realize that I had control over what is considered to be beautiful … If you go to a different decade in time what’s considered to be beautiful is different. If you go to a different country, what’s considered to be beautiful is totally different. Seeing that tells you right there that you can make being beautiful mean what ever you want it to be.
It all starts with self empowerment.
Letrice and I go more in dept with what all this means in the episode. Subscribe & Listen for more!
- Get sick and tired of being sick and tired! You do NOT deserve to be insecure.
- Stop telling yourself that you’re just “working with what you got.” That is acceptance of your feelings of inadequacy. Tell yourself “I am plenty!” as Letrice said, “You are worth it . PERIOD.”
- Start with the declaration that you have the power to decide what being beautiful is for you.
- You cannot rely on validation! Not from the media, not from men, and not from bringing other women down to bring yourself up. Once you’ve exhausted these options to feel worthy, where will you go from there?